


It’s Always Fun until Someone Gets Hurt (Then It’s Hilarious)

by rosewiththorns



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Caring, Detroit Red Wings, Discipline, Gen, Humor, Kneeling, Kneeling Universe, M/M, Non-Sexual Submission, Pranks, Promises, Spanking, mentoring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 05:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5363615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosewiththorns/pseuds/rosewiththorns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is not amused when Pavel breaks his promise. Sequel to "The Secret to Humor is Surprise" but each part can be read individually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s Always Fun until Someone Gets Hurt (Then It’s Hilarious)

**Author's Note:**

> As mentioned in the summary, this piece is a sequel to my earlier story "The Secret to Humor is Surprise," but it is designed to be enjoyed both on its own merits as well as in conjunction with its companion work. However, if you liked this story, please feel free to check out the first one, as well as any of my other writings.

“It’s always fun until someone gets hurt. Then it’s hilarious.”—Bill Hicks

It’s Always Fun until Someone Gets Hurt (Then It’s Hilarious) 

Steve had accidentally bitten into a slice of chili pepper—and why there were chili peppers that he had to remove from his meal when he had specifically ordered a mild chicken enchilada was a mystery—and he could practically taste the burning flesh from his scorched tongue. Nearly choking on the flames that had to be spewing out of his mouth as though from a dragon’s nostrils, he snatched up his soda and drained a quarter of the glass in one gulp. 

Although ice cubes clinked against the cup’s rim, the Coke was sizzling hot, fanning the fire in his mouth, rather than banking it. Managing not to sputter out the carbonated beverage all over the table and his teammates, he stared into the soda and thought he saw streaks of Tabasco Sauce floating in it like storm clouds. 

Remembering how Pavel’s arm had lingered just a second too long over his plate when he had reached for the Tabasco Sauce to sprinkle on his beef burrito earlier that meal, Steve glared to his left and demanded, “Did you put Tabasco Sauce in my drink, Pav?” 

“Just adding little bit of spice to your life.” Pavel’s eyes widened innocently, as if he could not imagine why pouring this fiery condiment into Steve’s drink had ruined Steve’s whole dining experience. 

“My life has more than enough spice already,” snapped Steve, rising from his chair in one swift motion. A pulse throbbed in his temple, and he didn’t know whether he was more shocked or infuriated that Pavel had pranked him two nights in a row, but he did know that he was going to take advantage of the fact that Pavel was for all intents and purposes his rookie on this road trip because Igor was stuck back in Detroit to nip this bad behavior in the bud. Last night he had believed that his stern lecture had made an impression on Pavel, but now he saw that stronger discipline was required. Giving Pavel’s shoulder a rough shake, he ordered in a sandpaper tone, “Come to my hotel room in fifteen minutes. Don’t be late.” 

He didn’t stay long enough to hear Pavel’s abashed assent, marching out of the hotel restaurant and into the lobby, where he caught an elevator up to his floor. While he rode, he took steadying breaths and tried not to think about how much Pavel deserved a long, hard spanking, because he had to check with Igor that it was even an appropriate disciplinary technique for Pavel, whose confidence sometimes seemed to need such nourishment to grow. Pavel was quite possibly the most unique athlete Steve had ever met, and he didn’t want to destroy that even if Pavel had acted like an imp out of hell with his pranks the past two nights…

Once he returned to his room, he called Igor, who answered on the second ring. Too irritated to engage in pleasantries, Steve rapped out as soon as Igor picked up the phone, “Your rookie is a rascal, do you know that, Iggy?” 

“Absolutely.” Igor’s tone was drier than cardboard. “What did he do this time?” 

“Poured Tabasco Sauce into my soda.” Steve’s hand clenched into a fist so tight that his knuckles stood out like ivory against the black phone. “To tell you the truth, I’m tempted to spank him when I have him kneel for me tonight.” 

“I don’t blame you,” replied Igor, crisp as a fresh tortilla chip, and Steve felt an odd surge of mingled relief and resignation at these words as if half of him had been hoping for permission to spank Pavel and the rest of him had been eager to have an excuse not to do so. Maybe it was just as week that he had his qualms about spanking Pavel, because surely only a sick person would actually want to spank another person no matter how much they deserved it. “I’d have been tempted to bare his butt and spank him right there at the table, Stevie.” 

“So, it’s okay if I spank him?” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Of course.” Igor sounded stunned by the question. “You aren’t going to let that kind of behavior go unpunished, and, deep down, Pasha wouldn’t expect or want you to, either.” 

“I know.” Steve sighed since he did know and wished he didn’t, because it would have been easier on him not to discipline but ultimately not easier on Pavel. He would do Pavel no favors by being too soft on him, as he possibly had been last night. “It’s just I was afraid of breaking him.” 

“If he’s not properly punished, guilt will eat away at him.” Igor spoke softly. “Just comfort him after and make it clear to him that you still care about him even at his worst moments, and you won’t break him.” 

“I wouldn’t leave anyone to cry their eyes out alone after I spanked them.” Steve couldn’t prevent an edge of indignation from creeping into his tone. “Obviously, I’d hug him once the spanking was over.” 

“Of course,” agreed Igor, placid as a pond without ripples. “That’s why I know you won’t break him.” 

“All the same—“ Steve exhaled gustily into the phone—“being captain isn’t easy. I think when I retire I’ll pursue a less stressful career like defusing bombs.” 

“I’ve no doubt that you’ll be a dazzling success at that.” Igor’s smile was audible through the phone. 

Snorting, Steve said his farewell to Igor, and he had just finished placing the phone on his nightstand when a tentative knock hit his door. 

“Come in,” he shouted to be heard through the door. “The door is open.” 

Soundlessly, the door swung ajar, and Pavel, silent as a cat, slipped into the room before closing the door noiselessly in his wake. 

Tossing a brocade pillow on the floor by his bed, Steve commanded, “Kneel for me.” 

Biting his lip, Pavel complied, and when he did so, Steve reprimanded, “Just last night, we talked about how disrespectful pranking can be, and you go doing the same thing at dinner tonight, breaking your promise in the process.” 

“Not same thing.” Pavel’s lip was ashen where his teeth released it in order to allow him to speak. “Not break promise. I promise not to shoe-check you. Never promise not to put stuff in your drink.” 

Scowling to show how unimpressed he was by Pavel’s tendency to interpret the English language extremely literally when it suited him, Steve clutched Pavel’s shoulders with enough vigor to guarantee that he had the rookie’s undivided attention. “Your behavior was the same in intent if not action, and you broke the spirit of your promise. When you made your promise, you knew that you were swearing not to pull disrespectful pranks on me, didn’t you?” 

“Yes, Captain.” Studying the carpet as if it was a path to eternal life, Pavel nodded. 

Tilting Pavel’s chin up, Steve pronounced firmly but he hoped not harshly, “I’m going to have to punish you not only for breaking your word but also for disrespecting me. Do you understand, Pav?” 

“Yes, Captain.” Pavel’s voice was scarcely more than a whisper, and his eyes were moist. 

Rubbing Pavel’s clammy palm between his hands—because while he needed to discipline Pavel, he didn’t want to terrify him—Steve went on in the same stern but not cruel manner, “Just talking didn’t seem to work with you last night, so we’re going to have to try a different approach tonight. I’m going to spank you, not because I’m mad at you, but because I care about you, kid. I care about you, and I’m going to spank you. Neither is up for debate.” 

Cocking his head like a spaniel puppy, Pavel appeared to be contemplating this, and his ability to process English was still so raw that Steve didn’t want to rush him. If Pavel didn’t understand what was happening and why, spanking him could be abusive, which was the last thing Steve intended it to be. 

“Okay, Stevie,” Pavel said softly, swallowing visibly. “You can spank me.” 

Pavel’s consent wasn’t exactly required—because Steve was prepared to spank him regardless of his wishes—but it meant something to Steve that he had given it. 

Since he had discovered long ago that having a rookie who was submitting to a spanking without a fight lower their own clothing could add an extra element of trust and humility, Steve tapped Pavel’s hips. “Jeans down, Pav.” 

His cheeks ablaze, Pavel fumbled at his fly and slid his jeans down to his knees, at which point he gazed up at Steve, as though begging not to have to tug them down to his ankles. 

Steve nodded to indicate that Pavel’s pants were fine where they were, but because it was his policy to spank on the bare for repeat offenses and committing similar crimes two evenings in a row had to qualify as that, he issued an order Pavel would probably hate more. “Your briefs need to come down too, kid.”

Tears already welling in his eyes, Pavel pulled his underwear down until it hovered just above his jeans. 

“Over my knee.” Steve patted his lap. “Let’s get this done.” 

Once Pavel had bent over his knee with a low moan, Steve laid his left palm between Pavel’s quaking shoulder blades to offer comfort during a difficult lesson and to restrict any flailing Pavel might engage in as an intentional or instinctual resistance to the punishment. As he landed his right hand shapely on the center of Pavel’s backside, Steve asked, “What’s this spanking for, Pav?” 

“Disrespecting you.” The last syllable emerged from Pavel’s mouth as a gasp when the next searing swat fell. A hiss accompanied each of another two stinging smacks as he continued, “Pranking you. Breaking my promise.” 

“People on this team treat others with respect, and they keep their promises.” Steve emphasized each word with a whack. “Got it?” 

“Yes, Captain.” Pavel sounded slightly strangled, as if a boa constrictor were snaking around his lungs. 

“Good.” Steve administered a final spank and then restored Pavel’s jeans and briefs to their original locations, eliciting a faint yelp from Pavel as the fabric crossed his reddened rear. “If you ever pour Tabasco Sauce in my Coke again, you’ll be sleeping on your stomach for a week, kid.” 

To soften the impact of his gruff warning, he draped an arm around Pavel’s heaving shoulders and drew him snugly against his chest, stating wryly, “I think we’d both rather that didn’t happen.” 

Pavel was quiet as Steve wiped the tears from his cheeks with a Kleenex, but Steve wasn’t concerned about that, since Pavel had never been the type to try to talk other people’s ears off, and there was something contented about the way he curled into Steve’s embrace. If he were a cat, Steve though with an affectionate twist of his lips, he would have been purring. 

“Thank you, Steve.” Pavel spoke at such a low volume that Steve had to lean over him to hear. 

“For spanking you?” Steve wondered if his ears were developing a rich imagination, because no rookie had ever thanked him for a spanking before, and he didn’t blame them one bit, since spankings hurt like hell. 

“For caring about me.” Pavel glanced up at him shyly. “Yesterday you not spank me like Igorek would, so I worry you no care about me.” 

“Pav, I care about you just like Iggy does, even if I don’t always react the way he does.” Steve ruffled Pavel’s hair. “Next time you don’t know whether I care about you, do us both a favor and ask me instead of putting Tabasco Sauce in my soda.” 

“I not do that again anyway.” Pavel’s eyes gleamed like pennies at the bottom of a fountain. “Can’t repeat same joke. Then it not surprise, and if not surprise, not funny.”


End file.
